Funerals with care, without worry

Hugh O'Brien Funeral Services

We can arrange everything to suit exactly your (or your loved one’s) wishes. You choose how your funeral should be. Whether you prefer a traditional or an eco-friendly funeral, we can arrange it for you. We can handle receptions and wakes to suit your family culture. We can organise the Order of Service (including readings, music and poetry) and deal with Church Ministers (or the official at a non-religious funeral) if you prefer.

Throughout, you are assured of a caring and understanding service and an extremely

high level of personal attention. Our expert services also include pre-planning (Funeral Plans), Wills and legal services, counselling, advice on senior care and post-funeral services. We always remember that you are in control and this day should be as you would have liked it to be.

Hugh O'Brien Funeral Services are now partners of Ian Clarke Funeral Directors

Visit us online at www.funeralplanninguk.com

Tel: 0161 283 9060 & 07786 267689

Email: admin@funeralplanninguk.com 

Order your

Funeral Planning

Journal for only £9.95 :

www.funeralplans.co/thefuneralplanningjournal.html

Payment Methods

Highest quality funeral arrangements at a sensible price

Funerals with care, without worry

We can arrange everything to suit exactly your (or your loved one’s) wishes. You choose how your funeral should be. Whether you prefer a traditional or an eco-friendly funeral, we can arrange it for you. We can handle receptions and wakes to suit your family culture. We can organise the Order of Service (including readings, music and poetry) and deal with Church Ministers (or the official at a non-religious funeral) if you prefer.

 

Throughout, you are assured of a caring and understanding service and an extremely

high level of personal attention. Our expert services also include pre-planning (Funeral Plans), Wills and legal services, counselling, advice on senior care and post-funeral services. We always remember that you are in control and this day should be as you would have liked it to be.

 

Visit us online at www.funeralplanner.co

Tel: 0161 283 9060 & 07581 705303

Email: admin@funeralplans.co

 

Order your

Funeral Planning

Journal for only £9.95 :

www.funeralplans.co/thefuneralplanningjournal.html

Stockport's Heritage: Heaton Moor Historical Society-meeting

Stockport's Heritage: Heaton Moor Historical Society-meeting

Funeral Planning Journal available at £9.95

The Funeral Planning Journal is only £9.95 when ordering online at http://www.funeralplans.co/thefuneralplanningjournal.html.

There are many reasons why you decide to plan your funeral  and the most important one is to make sure the family knows your every wish for the funeral and how your life can be celebrated.

It will allow you to enjoy the rest of your life having the peace of mind that everything is in order.

All your wishes will be listed and available in a treasured journal, all your personal plans will be available for your family to follow and it will prevent family arguments as they follow everything you want.

In certain instances where you have no family the journal will be passed to your friends and carers to make sure all the wishes are followed.

The journal will cover all the essential areas including practical instructions to make sure your full estate is administered by the executors in the best and most sensible way and reducing any areas of indecision.

This document will sit next to your Will with the Solicitor and be available to your family and friends on your passing.

The Funeral Planning Journal is a document which will serve as your Letter of Wishes, and offer your family and executors complete clarity at a time when they will be stressed and needing assistance.

You can sit with your family and in your own time answer the important questions. In our experience we know this will help your loved ones find the answers to all those important questions as they make arrangements.

The Funeral Planning Journal is only £9.95 when ordering online at http://www.funeralplans.co/thefuneralplanningjournal.html. If you want to order by post please send a cheque to CVRC for £11.95 and post to the address below:

Funeral Planner

1 Stanley Grove

Heaton Moor

Stockport

SK4 4HP

 http://www.funeralplans.co

Funeral Planning Journal

The sensitive subject of planning for your Funeral is an area most people want to avoid, we offer the much needed help and support to make the process easier.


There are many reasons why you decide to plan your Funeral and the most important one is to make sure the family knows your every wish for the Funeral and how your life can be celebrated.
It will allow you to enjoy the rest of your life having the peace of mind that everything is in order.


All your wishes will be listed and available in a treasured journal, all your personal plans will be available for your family to follow and it will prevent family arguments as they follow everything you want.


In certain instances where you have no family the journal will be passed to your friends and carers to make sure all the wishes are followed.


The planning journal will cover all the essential areas including practical instructions to make sure your full estate is administered by the executors in the best and most sensible way and reducing any areas of indecision.


This document will sit next to your Will with the Solicitor and be available to your family and friends on your passing.


The Funeral Planning Journal is a document which will serve as your Letter of Wishes, and offer your family and executors’ complete clarity at a time when they will be stressed and needing assistance. 

You can sit with your family and in your own time answer the important questions.  In our experience we know this will help your loved ones find the answers to all those important questions as they make arrangements. 

For more information on future planning or planning a funeral please call Hugh or Lesley 0845 245 0026. If you prefer to email admin@funeralplans.co 

Green Burials Help the Earth and Your Wallet

Many people think of cremation as a more Earth-friendly way of dealing with their remains on this post-mortal coil, but what about the energy expended converting our body to ashes? What about the air pollution, such as mercury, from that conflagration? And what about the potential soil nutrients that this steals from the ground? In my opinion, I’ve lived off of the nutrients provided by the world for many years and have a moral obligation to give something nutritious back upon my death.

That’s why I’m pleased to see the growing field of green funerals. No longer do we need to be shackled to the traditional Christian burial process of embalming, placing in a air-tight elaborate casket and entombing the casket in a concrete vault.

A green burial is, as you might expect, a much less elaborate affair. In fact, as Josh Slocum, executive director of the Funeral Consumers Alliance, said to me, “If you want to know what a green burial is, ask your great-great-grandparents.”

Slocum said that a green burial is all about what you don’t buy. You can cross off embalming and use a simple wood box (built locally).

There are more aspects to a green burial, however, than simplifying the body preparation and container. There are green cemeteries and natural woodland areas. The cemeteries often will allow the marking of a grave with only a stone or plant or plaque set flush with the ground. The area will be allowed to return to nature, its abundance fertilized by the deceased.

There is three types of green burial grounds:

1. Hybrid, which allow burials without anything to protect the casket, and accepts uncremated bodies.
2. Natural Burial Grounds, which prohibit bodies embalmed with toxic chemicals, any features such as vault lids that would retard decomposition, any caskets not made of a natural material, and the grounds must be designed to maintain a natural appearance.
3. Conservation Burial Grounds, which “must protect in perpetuity an area of land specifically and exclusively designated for conservation.”

Slocum cautioned “You cannot consume your way to conservation.” When the day comes that I’m done consuming, a green burial might be an appropriate way to hold my place in the food chain; above cows and just below worms.

www.FuneralPlans.co

Understanding the Probate Service

“Probate”is the word commonly used for the administration of a deceased’s Estate. It actually means the name of the legal document that is produced by the High Court if the deceased left a valid Will with surviving Executors.

There are several ‘Grants’ that can be issued, but the most popular are the Grant of Probate and the Grant of Letters of Administration, for when someone dies “intestate” (without a Will).

Role of Administrator or Executor

Simply, it is the responsibility of the Executor or Administrator to deal with all aspects of the administration of the deceased’s Estate. In practice, many Executors and Administrators ask a solicitor to do this for them, due to the sizeable amount of paperwork that is generated.

Solicitors can be appointed as Executors and this is usual where you wish to ensure that a particular firm carries out the administration of the Estate for you, especially where there is a house involved.

The solicitor holding the Will should be approached as soon as possible after death in order that they can make the necessary arrangements for the administration of the Estate. If there is a Will and it is held by a solicitor you must inform that solicitor of the death as soon as possible.

A list of assets and liabilities will be compiled. If necessary, assets will be professionally valued. Once the values of the assets and liabilities have been obtained, the necessary Inland Revenue forms will be completed, a formal Oath will be sworn and the application made for the appropriate Grant .

The assets of an Estate cannot be encashed, or a house sold, until the Grant has been issued. Even when the entire Estate has been liquidated, it is not always a good idea to distribute it amongst the beneficiaries. There are two specific deadlines that have to be considered – one for creditors of the estate and another for potential beneficiaries to make a claim. 

Also, an Executor or Administrator is not legally obliged to distribute an Estate until one year has elapsed from the date of death. Most non-professional Executives do not know this, and will make payments from an Estate without being aware of the personal liability they may have. Administrating an Estate can be a complex and time-consuming task. 

Asking a solicitor to act on your behalf is not an admission of defeat – it is extremely sensible! A good solicitor will keep you involved in the process, and provide you with regular updates. You should always use a solicitor who is experienced in dealing with Estates, preferably one who is a member of the Society of Trusts and Estates Practitioners (STEP), a prestigious organisation for those who are specialists in the areas of Wills, Trusts and Estates.

Probate Advice

Funeral Planner have linked up with TWP LLP and offer probare services.

www.FuneralPlanner.co

It’s never to soon to make plans.......

The time for funeral planning is something we all ,like to avoid even though we know it is going to happen to everyone

We understand how hard and painful it can be to consider a time when you are no longer around. We are aware of the genuine problems created when no planning is taken causing family stress and financial worries.

The aim of Funeral Planner is to provide valuable information allowing you to make decisions about planning your funeral, organising your estate and

supporting the post funeral arrangements for your family.

We offer a comprehensive list of services which allow people to plan a bespoke funeral service which can vary from a traditional funeral to a more modern event including coach and horses or motorbike hearses.

We can plan the type of funeral and service you want, discuss the benefits of a pre-paid funeral plan, explain why it is necessary to have a Will and look at other legal services, offer financial advice from our independent financial advisor, make a choice about flowers or donations, define your own personal funeral poetry and music, plan a reception to celebrate your life and lots more.

Our professional network include probate specialists, independent financial advisors, funeral directors and bereavement counsellors.

We also offer practical post funeral services including house clearance, refurbishment and gardening.

All your wishes will be listed and available in a treasured journal and be available for your family to follow, preventing family arguments

and any confusion.

Funeral Planning Solutions are approved members of the Golden Charter Trust and can arrange pre-paid funeral plans to secure the funeral at today's prices

http://www.funeralplans.co/

Steps to Funeral Planning

The sensitive subject of planning for your funeral is an area most people want to avoid, we offer the much needed help and support to make the process easier.

There are many reasons why you decide to plan your funeral and the most important one is to make sure the family knows your every wish for the funeral and how your life can be celebrated.

It will allow you to enjoy the rest of your life having the peace of mind that everything is in order.

All your wishes will be listed and available in a treasured journal, all your personal wishes will be available for your family to follow and it will prevent family arguments and they follow everything you want.

In certain instances where you have no family the journal will be passed to your friends and carers to make sure all the wishes are followed.

The journal once produced will cover all the essential areas including practical instructions to make sure your full estate is administered by the executors in the best and most sensible way and reducing any areas of indecision.

This document will sit next to your Will with the Solicitor and be available to your family and friends on your passing.

During the meeting we can discuss your thoughts and decide what you may want to happen. You can plan the type of funeral, discuss the benefits of a pre-paid funeral plan, explain why it is necessary to have a Will and look at other legal services, offer financial advice from our independent financial advisor, make a choice about flowers or donations, define your own personal funeral service, plan a receptions to celebrate your life and lots more.

The meeting will allow you to list down lots of answers to a number of key questions which you may not have been considered essential but will support your plans and wishes and help your family and friends when you pass on.

Sample Questions:

What type of funeral service, Religious or Humanist?

Pre Funeral gathering?

Poetry, Quotes, Readings (Be conscious that a eulogy will be read, you may want to choose the people in advance and the content)?

Music: Live or Recorded (This is linked to the funeral theme) Do you want a choir, instruments or a singer (all or part)?

The location of the Will (home, lawyer, accountant?) Let someone know where it is stored

Who are the executors? (Their names, addresses, telephone/mobile number, email addresses)

Do you have a Bank Vault?

The combination of your House Safe?

Where is your outside Storage unit?

What is the name of your Pension provider?

Insurance documents are filed where? There are many questions we ask in order to have a complete understanding of your wishes and we list all the practical details to support the estate management.

We will produce a comprehensive document and arrange the secure storage of the journal with your solicitor or family. We can also securely store in our offices, if required. The Funeral Planning Journal is a document which will serve as your Letter of Wishes, and offer your family and executors complete clarity at a time when they will be stressed and needing assistance.

Always allow time to the finish all the answers to the important questions and re-visit if more time is required.

In our experience we know this will help your loved ones find the answers to all those important questions as they make arrangements.

<><><><><>

Hugh O'Brien http://www.funeralplanner.co/ EzineArticles.com/?expert=Hugh_O'Brien

Meet The Man With A Plan For Your Loved Ones' Funeral

It's not a day many people want to think about let alone plan for, unless you are Hugh O’Brien, the north west’s first funeral planner.

Hugh opened Funeral Planning Solutions, which he runs from his home on Stanley Grove, Heaton Moor, after being made redundant from his job as a logistics manager.

The 50-year-old hit upon the idea after his aunt died and her service did not run smoothly as it had been arranged at the last minute.

Now he can arrange anything from the church music and wake buffet to organising for the deceased’s coffin to arrive at the church on a motorbike sidecar.

Mr O’Brien, a father of two, said: "I am like a wedding planner but for funerals.

"And this is even more important.

"Your wedding is just one day but overall the impact of a funeral is greater.

"Around 600,000 people a year die in this country but 70 per cent don’t have a will or make the necessary arrangements.

"People just don’t like thinking about the fact that they’re not going to be around forever.

"I leave it up to the individual, the service can be as traditional or extreme as people want.

"Whatever people request I can make happen."

As part of his service, Mr O’Brien offers will-making, the organisation of the whole funeral day as well as the clearance and disposal of the deceased person’s possessions if required.

He works alongside his wife Lesley, 48, and the business has now been running a month.

Mr O’Brien said: "Obviously there are other funeral directors or people who make wills but I am the only person who does the whole lot in the north west.

"When you tell people what you do the reaction varies from ‘that’s a bit ghoulish’ to that’s a good idea.

"Lots of people has a story of going to a funeral that went wrong. That’s what I help avoid."


www.FuneralPlanner.co


menmedia.co.uk/stockportexpress/news/s/1408984_meet_the_man_with_a_plan__for_your_loved_ones_funerals

Funeral Planning Journal

The sensitive subject of planning for your funeral is an area most people want to avoid, we offer the much needed help and support to make the process easier.

There are many reasons why you decide to plan your funeral  and the most important one is to make sure the family knows your every wish for the funeral and how your life can be celebrated.

It will allow you to enjoy the rest of your life having the peace of mind that everything is in order.

All your wishes will be listed and available in a treasured journal, all your personal wishes will be available for your family to follow and it will prevent family arguments and  they follow everything you want.

In certain instances where you have no family the journal will be passed to your friends and carers to make sure all the wishes are followed.

The journal we produce will cover all the essential areas including practical instructions to make sure your full estate is administered by the executors in the best and most sensible way and reducing any areas of indecision.

This document will sit next to your Will with the Solicitor and be available to your family and friends on your passing.

During our meeting we can discuss your thoughts and decide what you may want to happen. We can plan the type of funeral, discuss the benefits of a pre-paid funeral plan, explain why it is necessary to have a Will and look at other legal services, offer financial advice from our independent financial advisor, make a choice about flowers or donations, define your own personal funeral service, plan a receptions to celebrate your life and lots more.

The meeting will allow you to list down lots of answers to a number of key questions which you may not have been considered essential but will support your plans and wishes and help your family and friends when you pass on.

          Sample Questions:

•     What type of funeral service, Religious or Humanist?
•   Pre Funeral gathering?
•   Poetry, Quotes, Readings (Be conscious that a eulogy will be read, you may want to choose the people in advance and the content)?
•   Music: Live or Recorded (This is linked to the funeral theme) Do you want a choir, instruments or a singer (all or part)?
•   The location of the Will (home, lawyer, accountant?) Let someone know where it is stored
•   Who are the executors? (Their names, addresses, telephone/mobile number, email addresses)
•   Do you have a Bank Vault?
•   The combination of your House Safe?
•   Where is your outside Storage unit?
•   What is the name of your Pension provider?
•   Insurance documents are filed where?

There are many questions we ask in order to have a complete understanding of your wishes and we list all the practical details to support the estate management. We will produce a comprehensive  document and arrange the secure storage of the journal with your solicitor or family. We can also securely store in our offices, if required.

The Funeral Planning Journal is a document which will serve as your Letter of Wishes, and offer your family and executors complete clarity at a time when they will be stressed and needing assistance.

We will sit with you and give you time to the finish all the answers to the important questions and will arrange further visits if more time is required.

In our experience we know this will help your loved ones find the answers to all those important questions as they make arrangements.



You Can't Take It With You: Episode 5

How do you decide to leave your business to the family?

Hans and Anna have six children, five sons live in the UK and one daughter lives in New Zealand, Their family Garden Centre business has been recently valued at £4 Million and is based in two locations. Three of the sons are currently involved in the business whilst the other two run their own operations.

Nev and Alan have two children, a son and a daughter. Their family Land Management business has a recent price tag of £3 Million. Their son works in the business and their daughter who lives 100 miles away is a school teacher.

Hans and Anna are both getting on and have reached their 80's and a decision is rather urgent but they just can't decide. The indecision is now hurting the business as it is now drifting and certain sections are losing money. The three sons who work in the business offer no true leadership skills and have offered loyalty, hard work but little else.

Gerry sets out to meet the rest of the children in the UK.

Nev and Alan's children have very clear opinions on what to do with their inheritance. Damian wants the business to go into a trust which will allow him to grow it for future generations. The daugher Vashti wants her share and feels placing the estate into a trust shows a last of respect to her.

Nev and Alan want complete fairness but also don't want to put the business at risk so they feel placing the business in a trust is the best solution.

Gerry arranges for the meeting with Sue Medder to offer advice to both couples.

Hans and Anna agree that the estate should be placed in equal shares  for the children but cannot decide who will be Managing Director amongst the sons. They are sent away to make a decision about the MD role. Gerry points out that the decision of MD should be immediate to secure the current business status and allow the business to flourish.

Nev and Alan have their meeting and still feel a trust is the best solution though this is clearly unfair on their daughter.

Gerry arranges for the family debates over dinner with Hans and Anna sitting with their five sons to discuss options. The boys generally disagree until Antony, a middle son, shows his hand and says he is happy to move from his existing business and take control, Antony throughout the show has demonstrated the most business sense and he is also the diplomat.His offers does go down well with his other siblings and parents.

During the Nev and Alan family debate Damian says very little as I suspect he feels he is in the box seat. However Vashti makes it very clear that the decision to put the estate in a Trust is unfair and it certainly shows how controlling their parents will remain even after their death. She challenges her Mother about having a similar role to her in the family business which certainly struct a nerve and challenged her current position in respect of the Will. Alan said very little other than it should be 50/50 but it is clear that the parents were closer to Damian. Vashti tells them she does not want an inheritance she cannot spend. This clearly affects her Mum, Nev.

The final meetings arec arranged with Sue Medder and Gerry.

Hans and Anna have acted quickly and installed Antony as MD and the business is now in better hands. They split the business into six equal shares and state that Antony will remain as MD after they die.

Nev and Alan arrive and Nev does the talking and initially says she wants it in a Trust but with no rules attached. This is discussed but Sue highlights that no clarity will exist and it would end in dispute. Gerry adds that this would be a very uncomfortable position for both children.

Nev suddenly changes her mind and decides it should be a direct split 50/50 and no Trust. Alan nods in agreement.

Before Nev changes her mind again the Wills are produced and they both sign.

My gut feeling says this is not the final outcome and these Wills may change again one day.

This episode wants again highlights estate issues and how difficult the decisions can be without communication.

How many other business owners are in the same position and don't make a decision leaving behind a real mess.

Next week's final episode will highlight issues within families when certain siblings are disabled or need extra support and attention.

Tune into BBC2 on Friday for the last episode.

You can't take it with you, but you can ensure who has it

An increasing number of people are needing more complicated Wills, in line with those currently being featured in the BBC 2 programme 'Can’t Take it With You', says Francis Durrant of Barr Ellison Solicitors in Cambridge, making it all the more worrying that 70% of people die without making a Will. 

 

“People wanting to leave money to charity or to leave uneven amounts to different relatives and people who are delaying writing a Will because they undecided how to divide their estate are some of the issues featured in the programme and we ourselves are seeing an increasing number where the Will is not straight forward.

Whatever people have to leave it’s important that they write a Will to ensure their estate is left with the people they want to leave it to and they don’t pay any unnecessary tax.”

Reasons why people are increasingly having more complicated Wills include the increase in couples cohabiting rather than marrying, more complicated trust provisions and more people having second marriages. “It is particularly important for unmarried couples to make Wills because they do not have the protections you automatically receive as a married couple,” says Francis. “Also trust provisions can be put in place that can actually end up saving tax and second or subsequent marriages obviously make Wills a lot more complicated.

People are also concerned about the possible remarriage of a survivor and how that would affect what they leave to loved ones. And even if people believe they have very straight forward requirements, with people living much longer they need to think about protecting funds against the increasing cost of long term care.”

Francis believes that it is often the fact that a Will is likely to be complicated that puts people off taking the plunge: “If people are worried about who should receive what or how they should go about it they should remember that any difficult decisions they have to make are likely to be far easier than leaving family with the stress of them dying intestate.”

 

It’s also important, he says, to remember to keep a Will updated to take into account any changes in beneficiaries’ needs and a person’s financial and personal circumstances. 

http://www.funeralplans.co/

You Can't Take It With You: Episode 4

Sir Gerry Robinson meets two couples facing tough decisions over what will happen to their children in the event of their deaths.

Sarah who has two daughters by different fathers. Sarah has recently married and wants her new husband Jason to take care of both girls if she dies but is really concerned that the father,Matthew,of her first daughter will want to separate the sisters as he will insist on custody if such an tragedy occurs.

The second family has Ian who is a Doctor and part time polar adventurer, and together with his wife Becky have been unable to write their wills because they can not agree on whose parents would be best to bring up their three young daughters. They both believe their own parents should take on the role,but the two sets of grandparents are very different and Becky can only consider her Mother.

Sarah clearly has issues with her ex partner and is determined to receives guarantees and really wants her own way. Jason is clearly in a difficult position and finds the whole subject very emotional. Matthew currently sees his daughter every other Saturday and would like to see her more.

Sarah and Jason meet the specialist lawyer Sue Medder who explains that following Sarah's death her ex partner and father of her eldest daughter has the rights, in law,to gain custody. This seems unfair in her eyes but one suspects she has come to this position without considering how her daughter and ex partner feel.

Jason clearly understands the situation and is happy to take on the responsibility of both children with involvement from Matthew. Sue Medder makes it clear that even if Sarah states in her Will that she wants Jason to have guardianship of her daughter, Matthew has every right to challenge and would probably win as he is the paternal father. The couple are asked to go away and consider their position.

Becky and Ian review both their positions. Becky has her mind made up and only wants her Mother and her partner Tony to move into the £1 Million house and take care of the children;whereas Ian is looking for a compromise and angling for shared guardianship between borh sets of Grandparents.

The meeting with Sir Gerry Robinson and Sue Medder opens up the discussion and suggests that joint guardianship is available but not always practical. Sir gerry also points out that both sets of Grandparents don't have much in common and are unlikely to agree in a number of areas which would suggest further conflict.

Becky and Ian call a family dinner to bring all interested parties together to allow discussion and throw open all the options. The dinner highlighted the lack of genuine friendship between both Grandparents but they all agreed in the importance of finding a decision to benefit the children. The key argument against joint guardianship was the daily issues of bringing up the children. Ian was keen to point out that he would really want to offer quite a strong "Letter of Wishes" to encourage a life of adventure for his daughters.

The dinner between Sarah, Jason, Matthew and his new partner Nicole was a little tense at first but saw Matthew being honest yet genuinely practical about the issue. It was clear that the break up in the earlier relationship was not good and it emerged that Matthew does have certain anger issues. Jason and Matthew share a common desire that the girls would need to stay together which was supported by Nicole but seemed to take Sarah by surprise.

I felt that Matthew was certainly trying to repair any earlier issues and expressed a real desire to see more of his daughter and be happy to work with Sarah and Jason.

The decision day loomed for both couples as they planned their trip back to London to speak to Sue Medder.

Ian and Becky had reached agreement as Ian had compromised. He shifted his position and agreed to let Becky's Mother become the guardian of the children allowing her and partner Tony to move into the family home. Ian was going to prepare his "Letter of Wishes" which his parents would support as well as supporting the upbringing of the Grandchildren. They signed their Wills.

Sarah and Jason arrived in London reassured by their meeting with Matthew and Nicole. They signed their Wills with the wish that the children stay together. In the event that Jason was to also pass away then the eldest daughter would go to the paternal Father and the youngest to Sarah's sister. It was also agreed that Matthew should gain more access to see his daughter while everyone was alive.

It is clear with all these shows that communication has a positive impact on all family members and lots of issues emerge which effect current lives as well as lives following a death.

Next week the tricky subject of how do you deal with your business when you die.

It should be interesting.

You Can't Take It With You: Episode 3

The third episode shown at 9.00pm last Friday evening. The theme: fairness amongst the siblings.

Sir Gerry Robinson turns his attention towards two families who have to decide how to split their estate fairly and avoid major issues amongst the siblings.

The first family is from Kent who have built a large dairy farm which is currently valued at £4 Million. Raymond wants to leave the farm to his three sons who all worked there and leave out his daughter who is currently at University and has no plans to work on the farm in the future. His wife Jane thinks this is entirely unfair and they seek advice from senior lawyer Sue Medder who provides a number of options for the couple.

The second family are devout Muslims and want to follow the teachings from the Koran. The Koran states that boys should be left twice as much as their sisters but certain conditions are attached.

Khalid and Sara face a dilemma in writing their Will. Do they remain true to their faith which is clearly unfair in modern Britain or do they share their estate equally.

Raymond and Jane discuss the Will options with their children. Sir Gerry probes the individuals to determine their views which in most respects is rather selfish. All the sons are happy to cut their sister from the farm and business. One son also wants to stop his sister receiving one of the family properties which was a compromise suggested by their Mother.

The family debate saw all the son's state their opinion which really upset their sister and shocked their Mother.

Raymond showed little emotion throughout the discussion and sent out mixed messages. His main priority was to ensure the farm continued as a business for his sons and felt that was only possible by cutting out his daughter.

Sue Medder presented an option where the business is split into shares and the shares are allocated in the Will. This option allows all four children to benefit from the business with the share proportions decided by both Raymond and Jane. The other options included leaving the business to one son or the three sons.

Khalid and Sara from Cheshire seek advice from specialists in Muslim law and have a discussion whch also involved friends who have similar issues. The advice received from the Muslim hierarchy was inflexible and pressurised the couple to follow Sharia law which would mean leaving Sara only 1/8th of the estate and the remaining estate to be shared with his own family and stated that their son receives twice as much as his sisters. Khalid and Sara believed this was fundamentally unfair in their eyes and they seeked further advice from members of their community. A leading Muslim academic had a different view and suggested the estate could be spread evenly if the son decided not to support his sisters for the rest of their lives.

The decision had to be made and Raymond and Jane decided to follow the share option with a 32%, 29%, 29% and 10% split for the business, also giving one of the properties to their daughter and splitting the remaining properties amongst their sons. Jane was very happy with this but it was clear Raymond has been pressurised and didn't really like the option. If Jane was to go first there may be changes!!

Khalid and Sara followed the second piece of advice they received and shared the estate equally but allow the option for the son to take twice as much if he committed to support his sisters. They also decided that the family home would stay with the surviving spouse and would then pass on to the children after the death of surviving spouse. This conclusion was progressive for Khalid and Sara and represented an understanding of modern day life in Britain which expects a fair split on the estate.

Once again the key point of this show is that a Will must be discussed and prepared before death as ignoring the decision will create major issues for all the surviving family members and could tear families apart.

Next week the issue moves to child care and who will take care of your children before they reach the age of 18 if both parents die. This looks like another important subject especially in modern times when families are often been affected by divorce and separation.




 

You Can't Take It With You: Episode 2

The second show in the series introduced us to more couples torn over what to do with their estate once they move on.

The theme this week was to focus on favouritism and how that impacts on families after the Will is read and how it can cause real heartache.

The first family have five daughters, their parents, Robert and Brenda, could not agree on a will because Brenda wanted to leave more of their estate to the youngest and Robert disagreed and wanted it all to be split evenly.

The second family had to deal with an earlier unfair Will which benefited one son more than a daughter; Trevor getting 80 per cent, while his half-sister Pam was left with less than 20%.

He now has to decide how much he should leave to Pam's three children to redress the balance from his half of the estate once he pops his clogs.

Robert and Brenda with the help of Sir Gerry held a family meeting to discuss their concerns which highlighted the difference of opinion. The youngest daughter felt the meeting too emotional and briefly left in tears. The four elder sisters recognised they had received benefits the youngest daughter had yet to receive and they agreed she should benefit by receiving an payment of £35,000 before the estate was split evenly.

This left one final issue. Which daughter would receive their Father's Police Gallantry Medal and Robert finally made a difficult decision which actually met with his wive's approval.

In the second dispute Trevor found the family meeting very difficult and couldn't really discuss the matter though Sir Gerry wouldn't let it go and hustled for a view. This discussion must have suffered from a few long silences as it was edited to a short interchange amongst the family members.

Trevor seemed to have no time for his half sister and favoured only her eldest daughter who could trust with a proportion of his estate. He actually said he trusted his step children with all of his estate but following much discussion, and a little outrage, did he come to his senses.

The second family decided to place one half of the estate in trust for the niece and two step daughters, dependent on her died first, and leave the other half to their spouse. This allowed the surviving spouse to remain in the family home for as long as they wished.

There was a sad footnote as Brenda from the first family had died since filming but at least she died with a valid Will in place and happy that the issue of the estate was settled.

Next week's programme will focus on how tradition and religion can create unfair Wills.

Can't wait.

Should young children attend the funeral of a parent?

I copy this excellent article from Jon Henley at the Guardian,please log on the link below to check the many responses:

Should young children go to their parents' funerals? It's a question, thankfully, most of us aren't called on to answer. But if we are, our decision can have a lasting impact.

It has just come up in (of all places) The Archers. In a moving speech, Jill Archer, mother of Elizabeth Pargetter, whose husband Nigel famously died in a recent rooftop fall, explains to her daughter why the Pargetters' 11-year-old twins should go to their father's funeral.

Having lost her father at an early age, she reveals, she was denied "the chance to say goodbye" when her mother died not long afterwards, because at seven, she was thought to have been through enough. But, Jill says: "It made me think people could just disappear, without any explanation – people you loved, and who you thought loved you."

Long afterwards, she continues, "I was a very wary person. I didn't want to be hurt again. But then I met your father. He taught me to love again, so I could start to forgive my mother for leaving me without a word and never coming back."

Research by educationalpsychologist Dr John Holland, a specialist in the field, who describes Jill's story as "totally accurate", bears her out. In a pioneering study of adults who had lost a parent while still at school, none of the 47% who attended the funeral reported any negative experiences. Two-thirds said it was positive or helpful, allowing them to "grasp reality" and "letting them say goodbye".

Of the 53% who did not attend, however – many were forbidden outright, others distracted from going – more than 75% later wished they had. They felt regret, exclusion, anger, hurt, frustration, or a "detachment from reality". Those who were given the choice and decided not to go did not experience the same negative feelings.

"A funeral is a family rite of passage and important in the grieving process," says Holland, author of Understanding Children's Experiences of Parental Bereavement. "Don't force them, but it's important for children to feel involved. The golden rule is to explain what it's about, in terms they can understand – and give them the choice."

There is, he adds, no lower age limit: "A child will always gain something. And you should see the anger of people, 40 or 50 years later, who were banned or tricked into not going."

 http://www.guardian.co.uk/theguardian/2011/jan/16/young-children-at-parents-funeral

http://www.funeralplanner.co/