You Can't Take It With You: Episode 3

The third episode shown at 9.00pm last Friday evening. The theme: fairness amongst the siblings.

Sir Gerry Robinson turns his attention towards two families who have to decide how to split their estate fairly and avoid major issues amongst the siblings.

The first family is from Kent who have built a large dairy farm which is currently valued at £4 Million. Raymond wants to leave the farm to his three sons who all worked there and leave out his daughter who is currently at University and has no plans to work on the farm in the future. His wife Jane thinks this is entirely unfair and they seek advice from senior lawyer Sue Medder who provides a number of options for the couple.

The second family are devout Muslims and want to follow the teachings from the Koran. The Koran states that boys should be left twice as much as their sisters but certain conditions are attached.

Khalid and Sara face a dilemma in writing their Will. Do they remain true to their faith which is clearly unfair in modern Britain or do they share their estate equally.

Raymond and Jane discuss the Will options with their children. Sir Gerry probes the individuals to determine their views which in most respects is rather selfish. All the sons are happy to cut their sister from the farm and business. One son also wants to stop his sister receiving one of the family properties which was a compromise suggested by their Mother.

The family debate saw all the son's state their opinion which really upset their sister and shocked their Mother.

Raymond showed little emotion throughout the discussion and sent out mixed messages. His main priority was to ensure the farm continued as a business for his sons and felt that was only possible by cutting out his daughter.

Sue Medder presented an option where the business is split into shares and the shares are allocated in the Will. This option allows all four children to benefit from the business with the share proportions decided by both Raymond and Jane. The other options included leaving the business to one son or the three sons.

Khalid and Sara from Cheshire seek advice from specialists in Muslim law and have a discussion whch also involved friends who have similar issues. The advice received from the Muslim hierarchy was inflexible and pressurised the couple to follow Sharia law which would mean leaving Sara only 1/8th of the estate and the remaining estate to be shared with his own family and stated that their son receives twice as much as his sisters. Khalid and Sara believed this was fundamentally unfair in their eyes and they seeked further advice from members of their community. A leading Muslim academic had a different view and suggested the estate could be spread evenly if the son decided not to support his sisters for the rest of their lives.

The decision had to be made and Raymond and Jane decided to follow the share option with a 32%, 29%, 29% and 10% split for the business, also giving one of the properties to their daughter and splitting the remaining properties amongst their sons. Jane was very happy with this but it was clear Raymond has been pressurised and didn't really like the option. If Jane was to go first there may be changes!!

Khalid and Sara followed the second piece of advice they received and shared the estate equally but allow the option for the son to take twice as much if he committed to support his sisters. They also decided that the family home would stay with the surviving spouse and would then pass on to the children after the death of surviving spouse. This conclusion was progressive for Khalid and Sara and represented an understanding of modern day life in Britain which expects a fair split on the estate.

Once again the key point of this show is that a Will must be discussed and prepared before death as ignoring the decision will create major issues for all the surviving family members and could tear families apart.

Next week the issue moves to child care and who will take care of your children before they reach the age of 18 if both parents die. This looks like another important subject especially in modern times when families are often been affected by divorce and separation.




 

You Can't Take It With You: Episode 2

The second show in the series introduced us to more couples torn over what to do with their estate once they move on.

The theme this week was to focus on favouritism and how that impacts on families after the Will is read and how it can cause real heartache.

The first family have five daughters, their parents, Robert and Brenda, could not agree on a will because Brenda wanted to leave more of their estate to the youngest and Robert disagreed and wanted it all to be split evenly.

The second family had to deal with an earlier unfair Will which benefited one son more than a daughter; Trevor getting 80 per cent, while his half-sister Pam was left with less than 20%.

He now has to decide how much he should leave to Pam's three children to redress the balance from his half of the estate once he pops his clogs.

Robert and Brenda with the help of Sir Gerry held a family meeting to discuss their concerns which highlighted the difference of opinion. The youngest daughter felt the meeting too emotional and briefly left in tears. The four elder sisters recognised they had received benefits the youngest daughter had yet to receive and they agreed she should benefit by receiving an payment of £35,000 before the estate was split evenly.

This left one final issue. Which daughter would receive their Father's Police Gallantry Medal and Robert finally made a difficult decision which actually met with his wive's approval.

In the second dispute Trevor found the family meeting very difficult and couldn't really discuss the matter though Sir Gerry wouldn't let it go and hustled for a view. This discussion must have suffered from a few long silences as it was edited to a short interchange amongst the family members.

Trevor seemed to have no time for his half sister and favoured only her eldest daughter who could trust with a proportion of his estate. He actually said he trusted his step children with all of his estate but following much discussion, and a little outrage, did he come to his senses.

The second family decided to place one half of the estate in trust for the niece and two step daughters, dependent on her died first, and leave the other half to their spouse. This allowed the surviving spouse to remain in the family home for as long as they wished.

There was a sad footnote as Brenda from the first family had died since filming but at least she died with a valid Will in place and happy that the issue of the estate was settled.

Next week's programme will focus on how tradition and religion can create unfair Wills.

Can't wait.

Should young children attend the funeral of a parent?

I copy this excellent article from Jon Henley at the Guardian,please log on the link below to check the many responses:

Should young children go to their parents' funerals? It's a question, thankfully, most of us aren't called on to answer. But if we are, our decision can have a lasting impact.

It has just come up in (of all places) The Archers. In a moving speech, Jill Archer, mother of Elizabeth Pargetter, whose husband Nigel famously died in a recent rooftop fall, explains to her daughter why the Pargetters' 11-year-old twins should go to their father's funeral.

Having lost her father at an early age, she reveals, she was denied "the chance to say goodbye" when her mother died not long afterwards, because at seven, she was thought to have been through enough. But, Jill says: "It made me think people could just disappear, without any explanation – people you loved, and who you thought loved you."

Long afterwards, she continues, "I was a very wary person. I didn't want to be hurt again. But then I met your father. He taught me to love again, so I could start to forgive my mother for leaving me without a word and never coming back."

Research by educationalpsychologist Dr John Holland, a specialist in the field, who describes Jill's story as "totally accurate", bears her out. In a pioneering study of adults who had lost a parent while still at school, none of the 47% who attended the funeral reported any negative experiences. Two-thirds said it was positive or helpful, allowing them to "grasp reality" and "letting them say goodbye".

Of the 53% who did not attend, however – many were forbidden outright, others distracted from going – more than 75% later wished they had. They felt regret, exclusion, anger, hurt, frustration, or a "detachment from reality". Those who were given the choice and decided not to go did not experience the same negative feelings.

"A funeral is a family rite of passage and important in the grieving process," says Holland, author of Understanding Children's Experiences of Parental Bereavement. "Don't force them, but it's important for children to feel involved. The golden rule is to explain what it's about, in terms they can understand – and give them the choice."

There is, he adds, no lower age limit: "A child will always gain something. And you should see the anger of people, 40 or 50 years later, who were banned or tricked into not going."

 http://www.guardian.co.uk/theguardian/2011/jan/16/young-children-at-parents-funeral

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Gerry Robinson is helping two couples write their wills – who knew that would be so fascinating?

Who'd have thought that wills could be so fascinating? I don't mean our future king, but the legal documents containing instructions as to what to do after your death. But a will is much more than that. So many difficult decisions go into that piece of paper that it can result in enormous anguish and jealousy, and can tear families apart.
Gerry Robinson is helping two couples through the process of writing wills. Lesley wants to leave half their joint estate – £150,000 – to a cat's home, instead of it going to husband David's two sons from a previous marriage. What! Isn't that grounds for Lesley to be immediately sectioned? David seems remarkably calm about it, though.

And in the other case, Kiera wants everything to go to charity, rather than to Tom's daughters. Nothing wrong with charity, charity's brilliant. But Kiera is pretty unspecific about which charity; she would like to create some kind of community park space, she says, but then says the money could go to her family. What she really wants, it seems, is for Tom's daughters to get nothing, and other than that it doesn't matter what happens to it.

I'm sorry I'm taking the men's side; it's not because they are men, it's because they – or their children – are getting rough deals. Sir Gerry seems to see it that way, too, and does some tactful negotiation on their behalf. Tom's girls will now get something. But Lesley is beyond help, and I'm afraid those cats are going to become very fat ones.

It's not an obvious subject for a six-part television series, but it's fabulous: emotional, thought-provoking, fraught. It would be much easier if everyone did it the way it's going to be done in my family. My older sister and younger brother will each be allowed to pick a painting of their choice (apart from the Rothko, which I've always rather liked). And then, as the eldest son, I will get the rest: the land, the family businesses, the properties, the furniture, the remaining paintings. My siblings may feel some resentment, but there will be no argument, because they understand that that is the proper way.


www.guardian.co.uk/profile/samwollaston

http://www.funeralplanner.co/

You Can't Take It With You

Sir Gerry Robinson present a must see show this Friday at 9.00pm on BBC 2

	If you're living together and your partner goes under a bus, would you be left homeless? If you both went, who would look after your kids?  Some 70% of people don't have wills and often leave chaos when they die.  Business guru Gerry Robinson has grappled with Granada, the NHS and the Arts Council and is now turning his focus to wills for new BBC2 programme You Can't Take It with You.  He wants to get people talking about the subject now - before it's too late.  Email radio.times@bbc.com and tell us what happened to you when someone close to you died without leaving a will.  And do send us any questions you'd like answered and we'll put them to the man himself and publish the answers in Radio Times magazine.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b00xk532

http://www.funeralplanner.co/



Crematorium considers dissolving bodies

A council-run crematorium is planning to carry out ''science-fiction'' funerals including freeze-drying and even dissolving dead bodies.

Cambridge City Crematorium have proposed a set of gruesome after-death arrangements – which they claim are more environmentally-friendly than traditional funerals.

Bosses have called for a 21st century ''commercial approach'' towards handling death and asked Cambridge City Council to let them use futuristic technologies.

Plans include using liquid nitrogen to chill a body to -196C, in a process called ''promession'' or ''cyromation'', when it is so brittle it can be fragmented and cleaned.

The body is then freeze-dried to remove moisture and the dust is used as environmentally-friendly compost or buried in a biodegradable casket.

Crematorium chiefs also want to place bodies in silk bags and submerge them in a 160C alkaline solution – which would dissolve them in around three hours.

The grisly procedure, called ''resomation'', dissolves all the organs and bones and leaves behind a green-brown liquid and white dust.

The liquid can be disposed in a number of different ways, including being flushed into the sewerage system.

Bereavement services manager Tracy Lawrence said the ''greener'' alternatives emit less pollution than traditional cremation.

She said: ''The plans proposes improvements to the quality and value of services to customers and envisages a modern, forward-looking service delivering good value and offering improved returns to future investment.''

The move is intended to tackle a lack of burial space and environmental concerns as 573lbs of carbon dioxide are released by each cremated corpse.

Six states in America have passed legislation to allow resomation and the Scottish company Resomation Ltd says it is in talks to allow the process in the UK.

Although the ashes can be recycled in waste systems, the residue can also be put in urns and handed over to relatives of the dead like normal ashes from crematoriums.

The council-run crematorium is also planning services for pets and flower shop to boost its income.

The crematorium has made £276,000 profit in the past five years but only picks up £44 per funeral service compared with up to £244 which can be charged by private operators.

Plans for a supersize cremator in Cambridge which could cope with wider coffins have been approved, while natural burials – in which bodies are interred at shallow depths in biodegradable containers – are already on offer.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/

 

http://www.funeralplanner.co/

 

Funeral Planner: Funeral Planning Solutions

The time for funeral planning is something we all like to avoid even though we know it happens to everyone.

Our aim is to provide valuable information allowing you to make decisions about planning your funeral, organising your estate and supporting the post funeral arrangements for your family. 

We know how hard and painful it can be to consider a time when you are no longer around. We are aware of the genuine problems created when no planning is taken causing family stress and financial worries.

The information throughout this site will support decisions you have to make and identify how we can provide a number of valuable services including:

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