Meet The Man With A Plan For Your Loved Ones' Funeral

It's not a day many people want to think about let alone plan for, unless you are Hugh O’Brien, the north west’s first funeral planner.

Hugh opened Funeral Planning Solutions, which he runs from his home on Stanley Grove, Heaton Moor, after being made redundant from his job as a logistics manager.

The 50-year-old hit upon the idea after his aunt died and her service did not run smoothly as it had been arranged at the last minute.

Now he can arrange anything from the church music and wake buffet to organising for the deceased’s coffin to arrive at the church on a motorbike sidecar.

Mr O’Brien, a father of two, said: "I am like a wedding planner but for funerals.

"And this is even more important.

"Your wedding is just one day but overall the impact of a funeral is greater.

"Around 600,000 people a year die in this country but 70 per cent don’t have a will or make the necessary arrangements.

"People just don’t like thinking about the fact that they’re not going to be around forever.

"I leave it up to the individual, the service can be as traditional or extreme as people want.

"Whatever people request I can make happen."

As part of his service, Mr O’Brien offers will-making, the organisation of the whole funeral day as well as the clearance and disposal of the deceased person’s possessions if required.

He works alongside his wife Lesley, 48, and the business has now been running a month.

Mr O’Brien said: "Obviously there are other funeral directors or people who make wills but I am the only person who does the whole lot in the north west.

"When you tell people what you do the reaction varies from ‘that’s a bit ghoulish’ to that’s a good idea.

"Lots of people has a story of going to a funeral that went wrong. That’s what I help avoid."


www.FuneralPlanner.co


menmedia.co.uk/stockportexpress/news/s/1408984_meet_the_man_with_a_plan__for_your_loved_ones_funerals

Funeral Planning Journal

The sensitive subject of planning for your funeral is an area most people want to avoid, we offer the much needed help and support to make the process easier.

There are many reasons why you decide to plan your funeral  and the most important one is to make sure the family knows your every wish for the funeral and how your life can be celebrated.

It will allow you to enjoy the rest of your life having the peace of mind that everything is in order.

All your wishes will be listed and available in a treasured journal, all your personal wishes will be available for your family to follow and it will prevent family arguments and  they follow everything you want.

In certain instances where you have no family the journal will be passed to your friends and carers to make sure all the wishes are followed.

The journal we produce will cover all the essential areas including practical instructions to make sure your full estate is administered by the executors in the best and most sensible way and reducing any areas of indecision.

This document will sit next to your Will with the Solicitor and be available to your family and friends on your passing.

During our meeting we can discuss your thoughts and decide what you may want to happen. We can plan the type of funeral, discuss the benefits of a pre-paid funeral plan, explain why it is necessary to have a Will and look at other legal services, offer financial advice from our independent financial advisor, make a choice about flowers or donations, define your own personal funeral service, plan a receptions to celebrate your life and lots more.

The meeting will allow you to list down lots of answers to a number of key questions which you may not have been considered essential but will support your plans and wishes and help your family and friends when you pass on.

          Sample Questions:

•     What type of funeral service, Religious or Humanist?
•   Pre Funeral gathering?
•   Poetry, Quotes, Readings (Be conscious that a eulogy will be read, you may want to choose the people in advance and the content)?
•   Music: Live or Recorded (This is linked to the funeral theme) Do you want a choir, instruments or a singer (all or part)?
•   The location of the Will (home, lawyer, accountant?) Let someone know where it is stored
•   Who are the executors? (Their names, addresses, telephone/mobile number, email addresses)
•   Do you have a Bank Vault?
•   The combination of your House Safe?
•   Where is your outside Storage unit?
•   What is the name of your Pension provider?
•   Insurance documents are filed where?

There are many questions we ask in order to have a complete understanding of your wishes and we list all the practical details to support the estate management. We will produce a comprehensive  document and arrange the secure storage of the journal with your solicitor or family. We can also securely store in our offices, if required.

The Funeral Planning Journal is a document which will serve as your Letter of Wishes, and offer your family and executors complete clarity at a time when they will be stressed and needing assistance.

We will sit with you and give you time to the finish all the answers to the important questions and will arrange further visits if more time is required.

In our experience we know this will help your loved ones find the answers to all those important questions as they make arrangements.



You Can't Take It With You: Episode 3

The third episode shown at 9.00pm last Friday evening. The theme: fairness amongst the siblings.

Sir Gerry Robinson turns his attention towards two families who have to decide how to split their estate fairly and avoid major issues amongst the siblings.

The first family is from Kent who have built a large dairy farm which is currently valued at £4 Million. Raymond wants to leave the farm to his three sons who all worked there and leave out his daughter who is currently at University and has no plans to work on the farm in the future. His wife Jane thinks this is entirely unfair and they seek advice from senior lawyer Sue Medder who provides a number of options for the couple.

The second family are devout Muslims and want to follow the teachings from the Koran. The Koran states that boys should be left twice as much as their sisters but certain conditions are attached.

Khalid and Sara face a dilemma in writing their Will. Do they remain true to their faith which is clearly unfair in modern Britain or do they share their estate equally.

Raymond and Jane discuss the Will options with their children. Sir Gerry probes the individuals to determine their views which in most respects is rather selfish. All the sons are happy to cut their sister from the farm and business. One son also wants to stop his sister receiving one of the family properties which was a compromise suggested by their Mother.

The family debate saw all the son's state their opinion which really upset their sister and shocked their Mother.

Raymond showed little emotion throughout the discussion and sent out mixed messages. His main priority was to ensure the farm continued as a business for his sons and felt that was only possible by cutting out his daughter.

Sue Medder presented an option where the business is split into shares and the shares are allocated in the Will. This option allows all four children to benefit from the business with the share proportions decided by both Raymond and Jane. The other options included leaving the business to one son or the three sons.

Khalid and Sara from Cheshire seek advice from specialists in Muslim law and have a discussion whch also involved friends who have similar issues. The advice received from the Muslim hierarchy was inflexible and pressurised the couple to follow Sharia law which would mean leaving Sara only 1/8th of the estate and the remaining estate to be shared with his own family and stated that their son receives twice as much as his sisters. Khalid and Sara believed this was fundamentally unfair in their eyes and they seeked further advice from members of their community. A leading Muslim academic had a different view and suggested the estate could be spread evenly if the son decided not to support his sisters for the rest of their lives.

The decision had to be made and Raymond and Jane decided to follow the share option with a 32%, 29%, 29% and 10% split for the business, also giving one of the properties to their daughter and splitting the remaining properties amongst their sons. Jane was very happy with this but it was clear Raymond has been pressurised and didn't really like the option. If Jane was to go first there may be changes!!

Khalid and Sara followed the second piece of advice they received and shared the estate equally but allow the option for the son to take twice as much if he committed to support his sisters. They also decided that the family home would stay with the surviving spouse and would then pass on to the children after the death of surviving spouse. This conclusion was progressive for Khalid and Sara and represented an understanding of modern day life in Britain which expects a fair split on the estate.

Once again the key point of this show is that a Will must be discussed and prepared before death as ignoring the decision will create major issues for all the surviving family members and could tear families apart.

Next week the issue moves to child care and who will take care of your children before they reach the age of 18 if both parents die. This looks like another important subject especially in modern times when families are often been affected by divorce and separation.




 

You Can't Take It With You: Episode 2

The second show in the series introduced us to more couples torn over what to do with their estate once they move on.

The theme this week was to focus on favouritism and how that impacts on families after the Will is read and how it can cause real heartache.

The first family have five daughters, their parents, Robert and Brenda, could not agree on a will because Brenda wanted to leave more of their estate to the youngest and Robert disagreed and wanted it all to be split evenly.

The second family had to deal with an earlier unfair Will which benefited one son more than a daughter; Trevor getting 80 per cent, while his half-sister Pam was left with less than 20%.

He now has to decide how much he should leave to Pam's three children to redress the balance from his half of the estate once he pops his clogs.

Robert and Brenda with the help of Sir Gerry held a family meeting to discuss their concerns which highlighted the difference of opinion. The youngest daughter felt the meeting too emotional and briefly left in tears. The four elder sisters recognised they had received benefits the youngest daughter had yet to receive and they agreed she should benefit by receiving an payment of £35,000 before the estate was split evenly.

This left one final issue. Which daughter would receive their Father's Police Gallantry Medal and Robert finally made a difficult decision which actually met with his wive's approval.

In the second dispute Trevor found the family meeting very difficult and couldn't really discuss the matter though Sir Gerry wouldn't let it go and hustled for a view. This discussion must have suffered from a few long silences as it was edited to a short interchange amongst the family members.

Trevor seemed to have no time for his half sister and favoured only her eldest daughter who could trust with a proportion of his estate. He actually said he trusted his step children with all of his estate but following much discussion, and a little outrage, did he come to his senses.

The second family decided to place one half of the estate in trust for the niece and two step daughters, dependent on her died first, and leave the other half to their spouse. This allowed the surviving spouse to remain in the family home for as long as they wished.

There was a sad footnote as Brenda from the first family had died since filming but at least she died with a valid Will in place and happy that the issue of the estate was settled.

Next week's programme will focus on how tradition and religion can create unfair Wills.

Can't wait.

Should young children attend the funeral of a parent?

I copy this excellent article from Jon Henley at the Guardian,please log on the link below to check the many responses:

Should young children go to their parents' funerals? It's a question, thankfully, most of us aren't called on to answer. But if we are, our decision can have a lasting impact.

It has just come up in (of all places) The Archers. In a moving speech, Jill Archer, mother of Elizabeth Pargetter, whose husband Nigel famously died in a recent rooftop fall, explains to her daughter why the Pargetters' 11-year-old twins should go to their father's funeral.

Having lost her father at an early age, she reveals, she was denied "the chance to say goodbye" when her mother died not long afterwards, because at seven, she was thought to have been through enough. But, Jill says: "It made me think people could just disappear, without any explanation – people you loved, and who you thought loved you."

Long afterwards, she continues, "I was a very wary person. I didn't want to be hurt again. But then I met your father. He taught me to love again, so I could start to forgive my mother for leaving me without a word and never coming back."

Research by educationalpsychologist Dr John Holland, a specialist in the field, who describes Jill's story as "totally accurate", bears her out. In a pioneering study of adults who had lost a parent while still at school, none of the 47% who attended the funeral reported any negative experiences. Two-thirds said it was positive or helpful, allowing them to "grasp reality" and "letting them say goodbye".

Of the 53% who did not attend, however – many were forbidden outright, others distracted from going – more than 75% later wished they had. They felt regret, exclusion, anger, hurt, frustration, or a "detachment from reality". Those who were given the choice and decided not to go did not experience the same negative feelings.

"A funeral is a family rite of passage and important in the grieving process," says Holland, author of Understanding Children's Experiences of Parental Bereavement. "Don't force them, but it's important for children to feel involved. The golden rule is to explain what it's about, in terms they can understand – and give them the choice."

There is, he adds, no lower age limit: "A child will always gain something. And you should see the anger of people, 40 or 50 years later, who were banned or tricked into not going."

 http://www.guardian.co.uk/theguardian/2011/jan/16/young-children-at-parents-funeral

http://www.funeralplanner.co/